


Lost In You

by psychicdreams



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Drama, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:32:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1616138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psychicdreams/pseuds/psychicdreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor isn't as drunk as Loki thought he was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AU, set in the past, pre-Thor. I wanted to do something set in the past before all this and I thought 'what if this had happened' and it kind of turned into an AU one-shot. Enjoy

Loki watched as Thor woke with a splitting headache. “This is what happens when you drink too much,” he whispered, trying to be considerate of the hangover the man must be feeling. He sat on the edge of the bed as the man rolled over a little, clearly nude. He ghosted his fingers over the thunder god’s forehead briefly before pouring him a glass of water. Was this his fault? …Probably. “Do you remember anything of last night?”

“Not a thing,” Thor moaned, unsteadily reaching for the glass. “Not even what we were supposedly celebrating.”

 _Because there was nothing to celebrate. I just wanted you drunk._ That was hardly something he could say, though. Thor forgave him a lot, but even he could get angry at him. It wasn’t a prank, though Thor would see it as that. It was sincere, though it did have a purpose behind it that he was unwilling to ever tell his brother about. It was not, after all, brotherly in the slightest and he’d only grow disgusted.

“Why are you _never_ in pain afterwards? What spell is it you use?”

“I don’t use a spell,” Loki told him, smiling just a little. Thor never realized that he would illusion his drink. He saw ale or wine, but in truth, it was merely water. The last thing that Loki wanted was to be drunk with him and muddle his _own_ thoughts. “How many times must you ask that question?”

“How many times must you evade it?”

So he wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed. Despite his hangover, Thor was still perceptive. Loki shrugged and put the cup back on the bedside table when the water was gone and he watched as his brother flopped back on the bed. “I had the strangest dream last night, brother.”

“Oh?” he replied, closing the curtains to keep out the morning light. He wore a simple green tunic and brown trousers with boots, nothing elaborate. Every other day of his life, Thor took care of him; only when Thor had a hangover or was actually drunk did Loki take care of him. “What was it? Another of Lady Sif threatening a watermelon for a slight to her family?”

“No. It was about you.”

Loki stiffened just a little and then eased it quickly lest his brother catch on. He moved back toward the bed, but didn’t sit down. “Was I heroic in this dream then? Perhaps I wielded Mjolnir? Two impossible feats for me to be sure.”

Thor didn’t rise to the bait, though. Instead he abruptly reached out and gripped his shirt. “Why do you wear such a high collar, brother? It is so hot today.”

“It’s one of my favorite tunics,” he said with a shrug he didn’t feel.

“Is that all?” Thor whispered before yanking him back onto the bed. Loki grunted and landed on his knees on the edge, bracing his hands on either side of Thor’s head so he didn’t end up falling on the muscular man.

“What sort of dream did you have?” he asked, smoothly pretending he had no fear that Thor might have found out. “Did you have a dream of battle? Was I injured?”

“…Yes. Let me check to make sure it was merely a dream.”

“Very well. Where was the wound?”

Fingers pressed right at the base of his neck and shoulder and Loki almost gulped. He had lied, of course, there was a very specific reason he had chosen this shirt on such a warm day. If he lowered it, then… However, he could always claim that it was another that put the mark there. That he had bedded someone else after Thor had passed out. He reached up with one hand and loosened the collar just a little, pulling it down to reveal a bite mark on his pale skin.

“As I thought.”

“Thor, this isn’t… It isn’t what it looks like,” he said desperately.

Thor was having none of it and Loki almost shuddered in fear at the anger in those blue eyes. Hands grabbed him and tossed him on the bed, rolling over until he was pinned beneath the big man. The only thing between them were his own clothes and the bed sheets. Everyone knew that Thor had a hangover, or so he had told everyone, and they wouldn’t approach the room. He was…alone with his brother’s righteous anger.

“Pray tell, brother, what do I think it looks like? It looks like a _mark_ to me. Someone’s _teeth_.”

Maybe, just maybe, he could salvage this. “…Yes, that’s what they are, Thor. I...bedded someone last night in my drunken foolery.”

“Bedded someone…or did _they_ bed _you_?”

A cold shudder went through his stomach. Was Thor…disgusted with him? “…Very well, Thor. You’re right. _I_ was bedded. I let a man hold me.”

If anything, however, the admission only made Thor angrier if the expression on his face was any indication. “I tire of pulling half-truths out of you, Loki! Tell me truly! Was it _my_ bed you were in?”

Though it was a question, Loki could see in his eyes that it actually wasn’t. Thor _knew_. Giving up, he sighed and prepared for his brother’s judgment. “Yes,” he whispered. How could he feel like a little boy again, the crushing weight of sadness when he had disappointed his dearest brother? He’d only ever wanted Thor’s love, his attention.

“How many times, Loki?! That was not your first!”

“I promise, Thor, I will answer every question you have if you answer one of mine first.”

Thor’s head tilted a little and he eyed him suspiciously. “What do you ask?”

“Were you truly drunk last night? Your hangover…”

“Is but a light headache. No, I was not drunk…not entirely. I have been drinking much lately and thought to stop for awhile, but I could never turn down an invitation from you. You rarely ask for anything. I was drunk, a bit, but not enough that I would not remember last night. Now that I have answered your question, you answer mine.”

Loki looked away, not trying to struggle. He could still feel the sensations of the night before, how he’d almost screamed. “No, it was not my first, Thor.”

“Did you get me drunk deliberately?!”

His eyes closed. “Yes.”

“How many times have you done this?!”

“Getting you drunk and then bedding you? Think of every time in the past six months you’ve been drunk.”

He risked opening one eye and glancing at Thor, seeing the stunned look on his face. “Every time?”

“Yes. Every time, Thor.” He braced himself for the condemnation.

“Why, Loki?! Why did you have to do such things, take what I would have freely given?!”

Loki blinked in shock, seeing the sadness replace the anger on his brother’s face. “What?”

Instead of holding him down, those hands eased up to his face. “Loki, I would have happily given you what you desired. You had but to tell me of your feelings.”

“I did not want your touch because I asked! I wanted your feelings, your love! I love you Thor, and not just as a brother _should_. You have always, always doted upon me, given me everything I desired most! I did not want you to hold me just because I asked!”

“Are you so blind as that?! I would never have bedded you merely out of obligation!” Thor sat, straddling his thighs and preventing him from leaving. Loki really wished he _wouldn’t_ do that because it gave him a very unfettered view of his brother’s body that he didn’t need at that moment. “I have spent years silently speaking to you of my feelings! You did not have to give in to a foolish desperation and get me drunk!”

Foolish desperation? Loki laughed in frustration. So everything he had done was for nothing. He had debased himself, tossed aside all dignity, when it wasn’t necessary. Thumbs caressed his cheekbones and he almost cried. “…I’m sorry, Thor. What I did to you…it was rape.”

“How could it be rape when I love you and would have done so willingly if you’d but given me the chance?”

“You were not in your right senses, Thor. What you would have done while sober makes no difference.”

There was silence for a minute before Thor whispered to him, and he could almost hear the smile. “Then I forgive you.”

Finally Loki sat up and squirmed out from underneath Thor, but strong arms wrapped around his torso and waist, yanking him back before he could get out of the bed. Could forgiveness really be given that easily? “What do you want, Thor?”

“I do not want you leaving in the middle of the night again, slinking away as if ashamed. I don’t want you to leave at all. I wish to hold you again. There’s just one final question I must ask.”

“…What is it?”

Thor’s strong fingers turned his chin to look him in the eye. “What other man has taken you besides me?”

“Thor…you were my first,” he protested with a faint flush. “I have never let another hold me like that and I never would, if not for my feelings for you!”

“Good. That means I will not have to fight another over you. I feared you might have bedded Fandral.”

He couldn’t help but give Thor a look as if he’d gone mad. “ _Fandral_?! You thought I’d bed someone like _Fandral_?!” Loki grabbed a pillow and smacked Thor in the face hard with it. It caused the man to loosen his hold, likely less because of the pillow and more because of his laughter, and Loki finally squirmed out of his hold and stood up. “Since you do not have a hangover, brother, I suggest you dress. I will not coddle you.”

“Loki,” Thor protested, whining a little even as he laughed. “I had expected after our passionate declarations of love, that I would get to experience you while sober.”

“Then you had best learn how to woo someone other than _Mjolnir,_ brother,” he said sharply, but it only caused Thor to laugh harder as he stepped out and slammed the door behind him. Even as he stalked down the hall in annoyance…a smile lingered at his lips.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor isn't as drunk as Loki thought he was.

It was mid-afternoon before Loki saw Thor again that day. He walked confidently down the halls, not looking to either side. While he would normally never be caught unawares, he was not expecting to be dragged by strong hands into a shadowy corner. “Thor, what—” Lips silenced him and he moaned softly, quickly returning the all-too-pleasant sensation.

Strong arms wrapped around his waist and Thor stepped forward just a bit, far more intimately into Loki’s space than they’d ever been before. “Good morning, brother,” he murmured, too smugly for Loki’s tastes.

“It’s afternoon, Thor,” he said with a roll of his eyes.

Ignoring the admonition, his brother only smiled brightly and said, “I love you, Loki.”

He barely controlled a blush. “So you’ve said.”

“Will you join me for dinner tonight?”

His eyebrows rose. “I always do, Thor.”

“No, not with mother and father, just…us.”

Was Thor honestly trying to do what he’d told him to this morning? It felt…different, being the one chased, but he liked the sensation very much. He liked the thought of Thor following after him for once, trying to get _his_ attention. “I will,” he said after a minute and tried not to melt at the happy expression on his brother’s face.

“Good. I will see you in my room tonight, then?”

Before Loki could make a sarcastic reply that he’d just agreed, they were kissing again. Such replies were wiped from his mind and he moaned softly, enjoying the sensations of Thor’s light beard against his skin. It wasn’t that he liked the scruffy nature of it, but that it was _Thor_. As quickly as it had come, his brother had disappeared, leaving him with tingling lips and trying to tamp down the warmth in his body.

-0-

Loki cautiously entered Thor’s bedroom, but his brother didn’t jump out from around a corner. It was perhaps ingrained in him to be concerned because of their roles as children. Thor did come up from behind him to ease the door closed and a hand touched his hip. “Evening, Loki,” he whispered in his ear.

He didn’t look at the man that was suddenly nuzzling against his neck and instead took in the room. There were candles almost everywhere and a small, intimate dinner had been set up on an equally small table in front of the fireplace. Flowers were set in a vase nearby, as there was no room on the table for it and the food. The window was open to catch the cool breeze and suddenly Loki thought he should be glad that there weren’t _rose petals_ on the bed.

“Thor, what is this?” he muttered, trying to tamp down a surprising annoyance. “Did I ask you to use the same tactics that you use to bed women?”

Thor lifted his head and blinked in clear confusion. Concern pushed past the confusion and Loki realized that it wasn’t because his brother had had such thoughts about him, but that he honestly had no other way of ‘wooing’ anyone. He didn’t know what Loki would like and Loki had given no indication. Their feelings had been held quietly inside, and they had ignored even the thought of what the other might want romantically so they would not exacerbate their feelings.

“Did I do something wrong?”

His simple brother… “No, Thor. It’s too…feminine for me usually, but since it’s you, I’ll forgive you. Next time, something a bit less…ostentatious.”

Was it his imagination or did Thor seem _relieved_ at that? “I shall keep that in mind.”

So Thor hadn’t been that enthused about the overly romantic nature either. “Just a dinner between the two of us would have been fine,” he told him quietly. “While…elaborate, the candles and flowers were unnecessary. I’m hardly asking for the head of a bilgesnipe or pelt from an overly aggressive bear, or anything equally over to the top masculine either, before you leave with Mjolnir. Just you is fine.” He gave Thor a sharp look. “Just don’t take those words for granted.”

“You think I could possibly ignore you?” his brother asked, nudging him toward their food. He at least didn’t pull out the chair for him. Instead, Loki cautiously sat down and with a flicker of his fingers, blew out most of the candles around the room that weren’t needed. He had no fear of the dark.

“I think you take my presence for granted at times.”

“Never, Loki.”

Loki scoffed, but smiled as they began to eat. Their conversation was the usual, which he wasn’t adverse to. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings, never had. Sharing how he felt, or what he was thinking, was not something that came naturally to Loki.

As their food dwindled, he felt a sense of awkwardness come between them. Thor was leaning back in his chair, but his fingers were picking at his pants and Loki looked around the room compulsively. They were still brothers and for the life of him, he couldn’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t be teased by Thor. Thor was clearly having the same problem, because while he was charismatic, he was also highly blunt and couldn’t seduce anyone. That left it up to Loki.

At least manipulation came easy to him, and this was manipulation of a sort, right? He stood up, the motion making blue eyes snap to him. He put one foot on the edge of his chair and loosened the laces before kicking it off and repeating with his other.

When his fingers went to his tunic, there was a soft sound from Thor. “Loki…”

Loki pretended to ignore it, loosening the laces. It flapped open, but he left it on, leaving tantalizing glimpses to Thor of his pale skin before he turned. Almost immediately he felt Thor’s heat on his back as the man wrapped his arms around him from behind. “I thought I was supposed to be wooing you?”

“Well since you merely sat there like a fool, I assumed I had to take the first step.”

Lips ran up and down his neck, making Loki shiver. “How did I take you when I was drunk?”

“…What?” He didn’t really want to remember those times because they had left him cold inside and they were still shameful things he had done.

“What happened when I was drunk?”

Loki stared at the floor. “Must we speak of it?”

Thor’s marking of his neck stopped. “Loki?”

“What I did to you was wrong and even when you did hold me, I wasn’t…it wasn’t the same because I knew you wouldn’t remember it the next day. I was shameful, to get you drunk when your judgment would be impaired and take advantage of you.”

“If it bothers you, we won’t speak of it, but I do want to know one thing.”

He cautiously looked over his shoulder. “What?”

“How did I act with you?”

“You sought pleasure. Is that what you want to know?”

“And how did I treat you while doing so?”

Oh. That. “You were…” Loki hunted for the right word. “There was little foreplay. Then again, I took control of most encounters. I was the one that touched you first, that caused you to harden.” He grinned as a wicked thought occurred to him. “You were especially pleased and enthusiastic when you were in my mouth.”

He felt Thor shiver and suddenly those hands were pulling his tunic off. A soft growl of arousal seemed to unconsciously escape his brother as he began to tug at both their clothes. “I would never treat you coldly, Loki. Tonight I shall worship you.”

“I didn’t say coldly, Thor. You were _very_ warm, just…interested in the end result.” Loki pleasantly let Thor do everything for once, letting his eyes fall shut at the hands that caressed his body. As their last pieces of clothing fell away, Thor eased him forward onto his hands and knees on the bed. “I trust you remember how this works?”

Rather than an answer, Thor reached over to his bedside table and a small bowl of oil there. He dipped his fingers in withdrew them before plunging them in Loki without pause. “That much, I do remember,” Thor whispered heatedly in his ear. “What is emblazoned in my memory is the image of you above me, preparing yourself, and it is the most enticing sight I have ever had.”

He whimpered softly as he felt himself stretched and prepared, Thor’s beard running up and down his back as the man himself kissed along his skin. The kisses were gentle, in stark contrast to the passionate motion of his fingers. “Thor, hurry!”

Thor bit him lightly in the shoulder, but his hand retreated. One arm wrapped around Loki’s chest and it was the only warning he had before he felt Thor thrust in almost as fiercely as his hand had. He bit his lip so hard he almost broke the skin and he was relieved that Thor at least kept his sounds to a dull roar. The last thing he wanted was for the guards to enter, thinking that he was being attacked and find them.

“So tight!” Thor grunted in his ear.

Loki would have blushed, if he hadn’t heard a lot more explicit out of his brother when he was drunk. “Are you going to move or not?” he snarled, unfulfilled pleasure running through him.

Thor pulled out and roughly pushed back in. This was different than before, because this time it was Thor’s hand that slipped between his legs and stroked him. It was Thor’s lips marking along his neck and nipping at his ear. It was his name that was whispered consciously from his brother’s lips. It was passionate, but not wild enough that Thor would forget just who he held.

He yelped when he felt Thor squeeze him just a little tighter than normal and it only pushed him more quickly to the edge. “Loki,” he heard whispered in his ear, his name like an awed curse. “You make…me go mad!”

“Good,” he grunted, knowing he wouldn’t last much longer. His fingers clutched the furs beneath him into fists. He felt Thor lean over, burying his face in Loki’s black hair. Whispered words of adoration, combined with a fierce jab at that one area that was so pleasurable, almost had him yelling his release. He clamped down fiercely, though unintentionally, around Thor and there was a deep, animalistic grunt before he felt himself claimed.

Panting, they both melted onto the bed in the haze of their afterglow. Thor gently eased out and Loki rolled onto his back, watching his brother closely. He usually fell asleep instantly after, the exertion and the drunkenness assuring that. This time, Thor’s eyes remained open and he seemed to revel in what they’d just done. Loki reveled in the quiet, however, the intimacy of the room after what they had done. No words, no overt gestures, just side by side as he realized that they would be forever changed after this. This was…deeper. His feelings for Thor were like a vise on his heart.

Loki sat up a bit, leaning over his brother to reach for a grape from another bowl on the bedside table. Rough hands rubbed at his stomach and eased around to explore his back, noting every piece of skin. He bit into the fruit with pleasure, but as much as he enjoyed this quiet attention, knowing that right then he was the center of Thor’s whole world, he knew that it couldn’t last. They had to talk.

“You know this would not be approved of,” he muttered, trying to ignore Thor’s wandering hands. He couldn’t seem to keep them still even after he’d sated himself. Lips were kissing down his neck and shoulder with intent and he whined a little, “Surely you have had enough?”

“Of you? Never,” Thor whispered heatedly, easing Loki onto his back and settling between his legs.

“We, at least _I_ , was attempting to have a serious conversation with you.”

Thor sighed at him a little even as he slid his hands down to Loki’s rear. “Loki, I love you. I love you more than anything, enough that I would give you Mjolnir if you could wield her if you asked. I do not _care_ whether this would be approved of. If you would let me, I would make it clear to father right now.”

“Father would forbid it, tear us apart! Do you not remember that we’re _brothers_?” He gasped and let out a shout as Thor pushed into him again, this time gently.

“I remember. How…could I forget?” Thor growled and began to rock and move in him, gently this time. Their passions were usually so inflamed that a fierce rutting was often what happened, but only after several times did Thor gentle and calm, as if he was assured that it was truly happening and would continue to happen in the future. “You, in my room. Always what I want.”

Loki moaned deeply as the thrusts hit that sensitive spot inside him. It was deep night, shadows cast in the room, and the only light in the fireplace to keep the chill away. Lips traveled down his neck, deliberately leaving a mark that no collar Loki owned could hide it. Rough, worn hands gripped and stroked down his sides and back and this was far, far better than when Thor was drunk. He was much more attentive when he was sober and his stamina far longer. “Thor,” he whispered heatedly as he accidentally kicked the sheets to the floor. “I…cannot think!”

“Then…feel me.” Thor whispered in his ear his love, undying, and Loki had to wonder how long Thor had wanted to say this to him. He had not needed to get his brother drunk. If he had just spoken his thoughts…but such things were not in his nature. Unlike Thor, he did not want to reveal his feelings so carelessly.

He didn’t know how long it was before he gasped quietly his climax and dragged Thor along with him, but then even his amazing brother could not resist the lure of sleep. They cuddled on the bed, but Thor’s arms were tight like a vise around his chest and waist. He would not let him leave the bed, refused to let Loki sneak out to go to his own chambers.

The next morning, he was almost frantic to get to his rooms before the rest of the palace woke. He did not want to be caught wearing the same clothes as yesterday, since it would be terribly obvious what had happened. To those of a suspicious mind, it would be all too clear. “Thor! Thor, let me go!” he hissed, kicking at the man’s ankle.

Thor groaned, a much heavier sleeper, and pried his eyes open. He gave a winsome smile at seeing Loki still there, never mind that it was almost incapable of leaving unless he wanted to use his magic, and kissed him deeply. “I wish to wake like this forever,” he confided quietly.

“I have no such desire! Do you have any idea what could happen if we’re caught?!” A troubled look passed over Thor’s face and he felt guilt rush through him. “I love being in your arms, Thor, and I would be more than happy to wake every morning as thus, but we cannot risk it right now. Perhaps when you’re king, then we could be a little less cautious.”

“We would not need to be cautious if I tell father.”

His eyes flashed dangerously. “I would urge you to reconsider that course of action.” Thor was the favored one; if it was found out that Loki had caused him to become drunk and then took advantage of him…

“I will stay my declaration for the time being, but do not think I will remain silent forever. I cannot bear others’ flirting with you for much longer. If I could make it clear my intent to woo and court you, they would stop.”

He gasped in exasperation and squirmed out of the bed, hunting for his clothes. “There are no such flirtations and if there were, they would surely be directed to you! You, after all, have never stayed your behavior before!”

“I would never dishonor you in such a fashion. I chose them as an outlet, Loki, because I believed deeply you would never return my feelings! That what has happened between us could never be!”

“If we aren’t careful, it truly will be!” Pulling on his pants, Loki looked over at the sun-drenched god of thunder, almost gleaming in the sun streaming in the windows. It seemed as if the night before was thousands of years past and he mourned its loss. They could not be passionate or affectionate, or even hint at their relationship, during the day. In Thor’s time, they could be nothing more than brothers. Only when Loki’s shadows encased them at night and the moon had risen in the sky, could they be more than that.

His fingers touched the bearded cheek and chin. “I love you, Thor. Never doubt that. What I do, I do for you and for us.”

Thor grabbed his hand and yanked him back into the bed. “I feel the same, Loki. Everything I do is for the sake of us.”

“In that case, let me go,” he growled. “If I don’t leave now, I will not reach my rooms in time to change.”

“Shall we spend the day in?” Thor said with an amorous smile and moved to pin him beneath his bulk.

Loki blinked out of his hold and appeared on the other side of the room, grabbing up his shirt. “I suggest a cold bath, brother.”

“Loki…”

-0-

 

Loki stood next to Heimdall in silence, vibrating in rage. He had told the guard to tell their father, yes, but he had not thought that Odin would banish him. In fact, he was incensed at himself because things were different now. He might have set his plan in motion, but that was before he and Thor’s relationship had changed. Now he couldn’t bear to be apart from the man he loved.

What angered him the most, though, was having had to listen to Heimdall tell him of that mortal woman Jane Foster. She was drawn to his charismatic brother as everyone was, but it was different than before. Thor was _his_. And of course Thor was unintentionally encouraging her.

He spun on his heel and stalked back to the palace, those around him giving him a wide berth at his clearly agitated state. Or at least that’s how he wanted it to appear. In truth, he was already slipping between worlds as he had learned to do five hundred years ago and stalked invisibly toward Thor trapped by the mortals. He paused, looking at Mjolnir embedded in the ground before he continued. Their father was cruel indeed.

Loki looked at Thor for awhile in the Midgardian clothes he wore and they did not do justice to his brother. He looked a bit…worn and there was a sad look on his face. Was the fact that he was no longer able to pick up Mjolnir that much of a blow? Some of his anger draining, Loki stepped up behind the chair and eased his hands down Thor’s shoulders, enjoying as the man jumped a bit in surprise. He allowed himself to be seen at last.

“Loki!”

The sheer delight in his voice and face was unmistakable. It didn’t move Loki much, still far too jealous to think clearly, a fact he hated more than anything. He knew that he wasn’t thinking clearly, yet he couldn’t help it. “Thor.”

The euphoria faded a bit. “You’re angry with me.”

“How astute of you to notice.”

“What have I done to displease you?”

“Jane. Foster.”

“What of her?”

There was no guile on Thor’s face. He honestly didn’t seem to see what his actions were causing. Did he think that Loki should trust him so implicitly, trust his feelings so much that he shouldn’t be insecure? Their relationship was no more than a few weeks old and how could he trust Thor when the man had been known to jump into any woman’s bed at a moment’s fancy?

“I know, Thor.”

“Know what?”

His hands tightened on the man’s shoulders, keeping him put, and Thor seemed to sense it was wise to remain where he was. “She fancies you. You have…no objection to her.”

“Do you mean to say that you think I would bed her? Loki, you have my heart. You have had it for at least a thousand years. I know that my past behavior has not given you much cause to trust my fidelity, but now that you know that you have held my heart for so long, do not doubt me.” The words were said in earnest, passionate yet calm.

Loki’s green eyes drilled into Thor’s via the mirror in front of his brother’s chair. His gaze was hard, almost unwavering. Thor, at least, did not demand that he trust him. In that, he at least seemed to realize that a part of Loki had cause for concern. Yet so far, Thor had done nothing except be his charming self, the same charming nature that he gave to everyone. He had not betrayed Loki yet.

He knew that if he refused to trust, it was over before it started. If he started thinking the word ‘yet’, it would never end. Thor, he knew, could not live like that, always being regarded with suspicion. Loki hesitated and Thor slowly got to his feet, reaching around and pulling his younger brother into a hug. He allowed himself to be kissed, his neck pampered slightly and kissing the place he had marked three days ago.

“Loki, please, trust me. I will find a way back to you. No matter what I have to do, I will never leave you nor will I stray. I know that trust does not come easily to you, but please.” Loki’s eyebrows rose and Thor smiled a little. “Did you think I didn’t notice? The only one who I have ever seen has your trust completely is mother.” His hand gripped the back of his neck lightly. “Not even I, who loves you more than anything else, and you love in equal measure, has gained that.”

“So you are not entirely unobservant.”

Thor smiled a little wider. “Just give me time, Loki, and then I’ll return to warm your bed once more.”

Loki knew that it was the best moment to leave then, but he remained. This was probably a terrible idea, but he didn’t want to keep silent about this for once. “I was the one that told a guard to tell father. I didn’t actually think that going to Jotunheim was a good idea; I didn’t think even _you_ would do that. As you ask me to trust you, I ask you to trust me: I did not know father would banish you.”

“I’m not angry, Loki. You saved our lives.”

Footsteps approaching the room broke their intimate moment and Loki stepped back. “I do hope you know what lesson father wants you to learn. You never did understand his lessons most of the time.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Thor told him, much to his surprise. “Whatever lesson he wants to teach me pales in comparison to my need to be at your side.”

The words sent a shiver through his spine. It felt so good to hear those words, and yet he feared if he acknowledged them, he’d lose all composure. “Thor, father has fallen into the Odinsleep. I am king…temporarily.”

The worry on Thor’s face was clear. “Was it my banishment that caused it?”

“It is…unclear. Mother is of the opinion that it has been a long time coming.”

A mortal stepped in, raising an eyebrow at seeing Thor standing, but Loki knew he couldn’t be seen by any but his brother. “Going somewhere?”

It was so hard to tear himself away that Loki knew he could not return. If he did, he’d never leave. So he turned and left without a backward glance. That didn’t mean that he didn’t ask Heimdall daily how Thor was doing. His trust was rewarded when nothing happened between his lover and the mortal woman. She continued to pine, but Thor was at least more conscious of his behavior around her.

The nights were cold without Thor and he ached with how much he missed him. He would never admit it aloud, but he had lost his passion for most of the things he enjoyed as his mind was more consumed at the fact that he didn’t know when his brother would be allowed to return. He secretly studied texts deep into the night for any way to reverse the Allfather’s spell, but found nothing. His mother seemed content to wait, seemed confident in Thor’s ability to meet their father’s expectations, but he was not.

He was up earlier than most lately because he didn’t sleep well. Worse still was that their king had fallen into the Odinsleep almost moments after Thor’s banishment. It left Loki with the mantle of king, yet the crown seemed to lose its luster. Now that he had it, he found he didn’t really want it. Part of himself, he would never deny, reveled in having it, but a larger part had learned something bigger: he was not meant to be a king. The warriors didn’t respect him or trust him, nor did he have the charisma to overcome it. Thor would be a good king, once his arrogance had eased.

A simmering hatred of Jotunheim still remained and he was still angry with Odin for not revealing his truth parentage until he’d been forced to find out on Jotunheim. So far only he and his parents knew. He had not broken the news to Thor and he was terribly afraid of what would happen when he did. Surely everything they had would fall apart.

He sat on the throne, Gungnir in his hand, as he held court. While before the intrigues had interested him, now they were pitifully dull in comparison to the worries he held in his mind. The Warriors Three and Sif were nearby, but they looked at him with unguarded suspicion. Part of him was so petulant and stressed he wanted to give them a reason to—

The doors being thrown open interrupted his thoughts and he turned to look at the noise, only to silently gasp. Thor strode in fully dressed in his armor and carrying Mjolnir. He stood up slowly, restraining his delight and fear. “Thor. I see you’ve discovered father’s lesson.”

“Yes. I understand what he wanted to teach me.” Thor smiled and gestured to him almost as if they were children again. “Come here.”

His eyebrows drew together in confusion, but he slowly descended the dais. Thor seemed different, and not just because he was happy when the mood in Asgard had been so somber with Odin’s fall to sleep. A month they had been apart. It had not changed Loki’s feelings one bit, but what about Thor’s? Loki had not visited him at all because he knew the consequences. Would his brother view that as a betrayal?

At the second to last step, Thor dropped to his knee, causing Loki to pause in confusion, and kissed the back of his hand. There was a collective gasp, and even Loki was stunned. “Thor, you need not kneel to me. I am but a temporary king until your return, or father has recovered.”

“I kneel to you not as a subject to a king, Loki, but as a man to his lover, the one he worships with his very soul.”

He stiffened as the sound seemed to cease in the room. How dare Thor just say those words in front of everyone?! Sif was looking downright murderous towards him. He yanked his hand away fiercely. “Thor!” he hissed, “What are you doing?!”

His brother didn’t modulate his booming voice and instead just smiled. “I told you once that I would stay my declaration only temporarily.” He stood up and grabbed at Loki’s hands again. “I wish all to know of the man who captured my heart…and to petition the current king his permission to wed the one I love,” he finished cheekily.

Loki panicked. It was not something he did often, but he felt his control of the situation slipping. Protests were being muttered around them and he feared the Warriors Three and Sif in particular might run him through at any moment. “You would declare these feelings to one that was your brother, one that is not Asgardian but Jotun?!” he demanded. “The best kept secret, even from myself, of the Odinson family is that one was born a disgraceful waif of a Jotun, rescued out of pity by the Allfather!”

An explosion of sound seemed to hit the room even as he watched Thor’s eyes widen. Now everyone knew and Loki felt bitter satisfaction in that. Now those that were against him had reasons, would point out that he had seduced Thor, which was true in a way. At least now, Thor would be safe. This foolishness would end. He had hoped to continue their relationship, as his feelings had not dimmed, but by declaring his feelings so clearly, Thor had ensured that it could never continue.

Before Loki could react, an arm snaked around his waist and he found himself being dipped as lips latched onto his. The arguing and loud voices ceased in an instant and he had to drop Gungnir as he instinctively grabbed onto Thor’s shoulders. Oh, it felt as if it had been forever since they’d kissed and he moaned softly. The action only seemed to encourage his brother, who wormed his tongue into Loki’s mouth.

It lasted for an almost obscene amount of time before Thor finally let them breathe again. “Loki, I once told you that I loved you beyond anything and I would give up Mjolnir if it meant getting back to you sooner. Whether you are Jotun or Asgardian makes no difference to me. I will never doubt that you will be as beautiful in Jotun form as you are now. You will always be, regardless of what you are, the man I grew up with and fell in love so gradually with that I never knew I was doing it until I was so lost in you I didn’t _want_ to leave. You were the reason I came back, that I was able to finally find the way back to you. I would give up everything I have for you. If I don’t have you, what point is there in a throne? What world can have life to it without you in it?”

He gaped, completely silenced by the eloquence of his brother. He had never said that Thor was stupid, but that he rarely exercised his mind. He had always seemed glimpses of the mature Thor in the past, but they were just that: glimpses of his potential. Now he was seeing the man that was meant to take the throne.

“I believe he is waiting for an answer to his proposal.”

Loki’s head jerked at the same time as Thor’s. Odin, his arm around his Queen, stood in the doorway. He seemed still a bit tired, but he was awake. “F-Father!” He struggled to straighten, but Thor’s grip held him in a vice, still in that dip. “Thor! Release me!”

“Father, do I have your blessing?”

The man softly smiled. “You do. I know what I say makes little difference anyway, but so long as you both are happy.”

Thor turned expectantly to Loki. In fact, everyone seemed to be looking at Loki, and if he could have, he would have shrunk in his lover’s arms. He glared fiercely and was tempted to kick Thor. “I refuse to answer any question until I’m allowed to stand on my own.”

Thor gave a playful sigh, but smiled and allowed him to stand on his own. Loki straightened his clothing only to have his hand grabbed. He gave an irritated look, but it disappeared as he realized that Thor was pushing a ring on his finger. “Please, Loki.”

Please what? Acknowledge their relationship? Acknowledge their love? It would never be accepted. Yet looking into Thor’s eyes, he could see that that didn’t matter to his brother. Thor didn’t care who approved, even their parents, if it made Loki happy.

“I will not keep you in the shadows,” Thor promised, almost like an oath. “I never wanted to keep this secret. I refuse to act as if I am ashamed of you. I would profess my feelings honestly for you, because you are the best part of me.”

Damn Thor, how could he say no now? Not with everyone watching, not with him being so earnest about it. So no to the crown prince? How could he do that when the entirety of Asgard would lynch him if he broke Thor’s heart? “…Yes, Thor,” he said at last, almost resentfully, refusing to bare his feelings in so public a place. “I would have preferred you ask me in private,” he griped.

“If I did, you would say no.” There was that cheeky smile and Thor swung him up and around, despite Loki’s loud protests.

He would never learn the art of wooing anyone but Mjolnir, but that was all right with Loki. He didn’t need to be wooed.


End file.
